Depressing State of Mind

I am Bipolar. I have been diagnosed with bipolar for just over 3 years now. I also have a Stress and Anxiety disorder. I was previously diagnosed with clinical depression but the medication the doctor prescribed for me was not appropriate and sent me a little loopy, I will come back to that later.

People often say things like “God I’m so depressed today”. What they really mean is that they are fed up, or they just feel a little down or they can’t be bothered with whatever they have to do that day.

These are perfectly normal feelings and will happen to everyone from time to time. These usually pass within a day or two.

Clinical depression and its many facets is a very different animal and we must be careful not to confuse the two. I will be primarily discussing bipolar, but those with other depressive conditions may well recognise some of the things I will be talking about in themselves.

I am not going to discuss medications at this stage, as these are numerous and the medication you are on will differ to the medication that myself or someone else is on.

There is still a stigma attached to people with mental illnesses like depression and bipolar, people do not understand what it is, how it manifests, what the triggers are, or people who have it can react in certain circumstances. Someone with bipolar, if there are having an episode can in certain circumstances come across as unfeeling or belligerent. This does not mean that these feelings or actions are of deliberate design; these are simply a manifestation and symptoms of the condition.

In a lot of cases, much like me, the individual may not even be aware that they are acting in such a manner, and this is very common with bipolar, and it is important that this is taken into consideration when dealing with those individuals. This does not meant that you should not mention to the person that they have acted or are acting in such a manner. Simply to say that it is not always their fault that they are acting in such a manner.

A lot of people still think that depression is not an illness at all. You will often hear people saying he/she should just pull themselves together, or what has he/she got to be depressed about.

There are various statistics for people with mental health issues but here are some that I have found.

• 1.3% of people will develop bipolar at some point in their life
• 10%-20% of people with bipolar will take their own life
• 1/3 of people with bipolar will make a suicide attempt
• 1 in 4 in any given year will develop mental health issues.

As I mentioned earlier I was first diagnosed with clinical depression. The doctor prescribed me a combination of medication, which was fine to begin with, but as I continued to take this medication, it produced some dangerous side effects. Not physical side effects but mental ones. Whilst on this medication and on a night out, I went to a casino and spent £1000 of my, and my partners hard earned money and did not come home until about 4 in the morning. I can only remember snippets of what happened.

My partner quite rightly demanded that I give up my cash and debit cards and for just over a year I had to go through her for any money that I needed. This was the kick up the backside I needed to go back to the doctors and get a referral to see a Psychiatrist, which I have been seeing for the past 3 years, and was the person that gave me a proper diagnosis, and got me on the correct combination and dosage of medication, that I continue to take today, and will do for the rest of my life.

The journey has been a bumpy and difficult one, not just for me, but for my partner as well. She has had to put up with my many mood swings, not violent ones, but argumentative ones, and can often be unreasonable, fly off the handle at the slightest thing, and be insensitive to her feelings. Which is not fair on her, but to her credit she has dealt with it, with me very well and does not let me away these attitudes and is not slow in telling me when these symptoms arise. It can take me a while to realise that is what is happening.

So to her I dedicate this article as it is often the partners and the family that are hardest hit by those with depression. I do not want to give those with depressive conditions carte blanch to do and say what they like and blame it on the condition. Those with the condition, myself included must work very hard to be more aware of what impact our condition has on the people we interact with most. The people at work and of course those that we love and care for the most.