Emotional Attachment and Psychological Health

Emotional attachment is one of the reasons why people endure dysfunctional relationships or enter into a void when they lose a partner. Even people who are with their abusive partners prefer to stay together before losing “that” which represents some security or pleasure. Their fear is so strong that their relationship instead of being fed by love, is fed by fear. Psychologist Walter Riso differentiates the sense of attachment from romantic love: “Under the guise of romantic love, the attached person begins to suffer a slow and relentless depersonalization that leads to the feeling of being an annex of the ‘loved’ person, ‘an appendage.”

Emotional attachment is, essentially, one partner’s psychological dependence on the other. Emotionally immature people tend to fall into this type of relationship, where the need to hold on to a partner is rooted in fear, and fear hides the individual perception of incapability. This type of relationship prevents the healthy growth and development of the individual, and it is not driven by the love that leads each member of the couple to stand up and be a capable individual. He who loves is not afraid of losing. The desire for the partner to grow, although this may mean losing it, is what drives love. Love is the polar opposite of fear. This fear stems from a necessity, and in the case of attachment to the couple, the person with fear fulfills this need through the partner because he is not able to fulfill his own needs. Attachment wears off the attached person because much of his energy is consumed by fear and the pursuit of retaining his partner, and at the same time, it also wears off the object of attachment because of the emotional need of the partner drains his own energy.

Of course, wanting your partner is not attachment. Love is desire, wanting to be with a loved one, enjoy their presence, missing it, taking time together and keep learning with what occurs in the relationship. Attachment is only considered when the benefit received becomes indispensable, that is, when the person is afraid of losing what he or she provides and when it impedes on the ability to function independently from the partner. Detachment should exist in a healthy relationship. Detachment is independent, non-possessive and non-addictive. The person who maintains his psychological health in a relationship is able to control his fear of abandonment, not agree to destroy his own identity and more likely to act in the name of love. The detached person does not fall into emotional corruption as the attached person does, he is neither selfish nor dishonest since he doesn’t seek a partner to meet his needs and try to keep the relationship at all costs.

Understanding emotional attachment and how it prevents the healthy growth of the individual and the couple is key to avoid falling into it. Opting for independence and a well-balanced life will enable the couple to choose well, not by need but by love, and if you already have a relationship of emotional attachment, you may want to seek independence to add psychological health to the relationship.